female

von Patti Smith

female. feel male. Ever since I felt the need to
choose I'd choose male. I felt boy rythums when I
was in knee pants. So I stayed in pants.
I sobbed when I had to use the public ladies room.
My undergarments made me blush.
Every feminine gesture I affected from my mother
humiliated me.

I ran around with a pack of wolves. I puked on every
pinafore. Growing breasts was a nightmare. In agner
I cut off my hair and knelt glassy eyed before
god. I begged him to place me in my own barbaric race.
The male race. The race of my choice.

In answer he injected me with all the characteristics
of my gender. sultry. languid. wanton. dip into
summer skirts. go down with a narrow hipped boy
behind a bowling alley. bleed. come. fill my womb.

the misfit massacres the mustang pony just to feel
the soft rise of marilyn monroe against his chest.

bloated. pregnant. I crawl thru the sand. like a
lame dog. like a crab. pull my fat baby belly to
the sea. pure edge. pull my hair out by the roots.
roll and drag and claw like a bitch. like a bitch.
like a bitch.

(1967)